It was a Sunday, and one of my previous and most favourite professors had come to University for a visit. We shook hand and had a little simple hug since i respect him as an elder and one of the leading artists in Jordan, and despite the age difference, we are very good friends. He entered the Arts Faculty building, and as soon as he entered, a girls voice from behind me came up saying "POOR THING!!!" and another voice asked "Why, whats wrong?". The girl replied "He's dying!!"
.....
I froze, i did not know what to think or perceive.. I knew that my Professor has cancer, and that the battle with it is wearing him out, and I know that sooner or later we all die.. But that girls words.. "he's dying".. it seemed so cruel, so evil, so ignorant, yet it was all so true..
I started wondering, "why is he dying? why should he die?". I always gave the Professor what he wanted, helped him out in everything, and visit his house whenever i could, i even gave him cigarettes and then made him feel bad about it cuz i was the only one who gives him cigarettes and he shouldn't be smoking, so he'd light it without inhaling, then look at me with a little grin, and break the cigarette apart, also giving me some complementary cusses in Arabic.. I got amazing memories with him, like the times when we started talking "rural" (fala7i) Arabic, too slang and old, and his Italian wife would look at us as if we were crazy and talking gibberish and storm out of the room cussing at us both in Italian! We would laugh so hard that it would hurt sometimes..
I am one of the people that believe in death as a transitional phase, not necessarily something bad, but as human nature interferes with adding emotions of "grief", "sadness" and longing for who have passed away, we cannot do anything but sit and wonder about our own destinies, fates, futures and could only speculate, while we could be 100% wrong about everything. Heaven and Hell only exist because we were told they were, and actually its the most logical explanation, i mean i wouldn't like to be stuck with Attila the Hun in the same "apartment" in the after life, he'd rip me apart! I wanna die peacefully, and leave a good trace or print in this life, i realised that it could never be the end for me, even when i die, i still got the after life to wreak and havoc in hehe..
.....
I froze, i did not know what to think or perceive.. I knew that my Professor has cancer, and that the battle with it is wearing him out, and I know that sooner or later we all die.. But that girls words.. "he's dying".. it seemed so cruel, so evil, so ignorant, yet it was all so true..
I started wondering, "why is he dying? why should he die?". I always gave the Professor what he wanted, helped him out in everything, and visit his house whenever i could, i even gave him cigarettes and then made him feel bad about it cuz i was the only one who gives him cigarettes and he shouldn't be smoking, so he'd light it without inhaling, then look at me with a little grin, and break the cigarette apart, also giving me some complementary cusses in Arabic.. I got amazing memories with him, like the times when we started talking "rural" (fala7i) Arabic, too slang and old, and his Italian wife would look at us as if we were crazy and talking gibberish and storm out of the room cussing at us both in Italian! We would laugh so hard that it would hurt sometimes..
I am one of the people that believe in death as a transitional phase, not necessarily something bad, but as human nature interferes with adding emotions of "grief", "sadness" and longing for who have passed away, we cannot do anything but sit and wonder about our own destinies, fates, futures and could only speculate, while we could be 100% wrong about everything. Heaven and Hell only exist because we were told they were, and actually its the most logical explanation, i mean i wouldn't like to be stuck with Attila the Hun in the same "apartment" in the after life, he'd rip me apart! I wanna die peacefully, and leave a good trace or print in this life, i realised that it could never be the end for me, even when i die, i still got the after life to wreak and havoc in hehe..
posted by Abdul Qader Miqdadi @ 7:42 PM
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