To all you so called "friends"

February the 15th, my birthday, the day I truthfully never expected anything from anyone because I've been let down once too many times by my fucked up ex, parents and family, and last but not least my "friends". This year was different though, i had a feeling that i may get something, not a gift, but that feeling of having your "friends" all around you, just talking having fun making pranks telling stories, in short it was supposed to be almost perfect. Now the reason why I'm quoting the word friends all the time, is because most of them let me down, and i wont start naming them, because I am gonna face them and they will read this blog because i am gonna give them the link and they'r gonna read it to the last word. All of you, who ditched me, and thought that if you didnt show up to my birthday or even tried a nice gesture, even if it was a smiley or a message, and thought you'll make it up to me some other day, for such silly reasons as a "happy BITCHING friendship day" or because of the "outgoing" crowd at another place or simply because you thought that it may not mean anything to me, well, it does, and it does alot, if you really thought that I wouldn't realize that you didnt show up and that you're ditching me, then you're wrong, very wrong and you have just shown yourself to be an unworthy person, not worth being called friend, or even being called human, you're some kind of scum made out of clay and posses the same organs and characteristics of humans, but you're not at all, you're defiled and stained by this lifes fucked up wierdness, and all its "woohoos" and "lets party" and "am I blonde enough?" and "Do you think if its a full moon i'd interest you in talking about it?!" SCREW YOU!! ALL OF YOU WHO EXPECT TO STOMP ALL OVER ME AND EXPECT A NICE GUY IN RETURN, YOU'RE GETTING NOTHING BUT THE NEW FUCKED UP VERSION OF ME!! If you think you've seen the worse of me, then you're very wrong! Yes February the 15th is my birthday, a day that created this new person, a person you might call a monster, but truly is the outcome of your own actions and is more human than you'll ever be!

Randomness

I owe this to mt good little friend Tareq who i iv known for less than a year now but seems like a very interesting individual and musical tastes are also cool, very trip-hoppish and IDM-ish too (this is for u Hiba) so if youd like to check out his blog, its on the side bar in the name of Randomness, enjoy :)

Secret Images

I just saw this from my friend
Google Earth Awesome

Darbooka Boys!

Yesterday at almost 5pm, on Radio Monte Carlo, there was an interview with 2 of the most controversial and unorthodox upcoming artists, Azriel and Gabriel (Dark and light, Death and Life) the bands name is Boogie Balagan, made up of these two individuals, who lived in Palestine/Israel, or how they call it PalestIsrael, and currently live in Paris, France. These 2 have a new vision, for coexisting of religions, and yet their motivation comes from something most of us have enjoyed as children, the comic Asterix & Obelix, by the well known french illustrator Albert Uderzo and story writer René Goscinny . Azri/Gabri describe Palestine as Gaul in the spread of the Roman Empire, and how the Gauls represent civilians, and the Romans represent the opressing good for nothing governments of both Palestine and Israel.

Their Music in their words "When Psychadellic rock 'n roll meets cool middle eastren mediterranean vibes, it's the place where cultures are coming together to an unexpected rainbow..." (Azriel: ps9 - the Walloo book)
In my opinion, the rock, funny, talented and very creative, and i personally support them fully. Thank both Azri/Gabri for your kind words on the radio, and i heard the whole interview from the begining till its end, i wish them all the best of luck, and i'm lucky to have made friends of such status and caliber...
I really recommend buying their CD
Heres their website Boogie Website
And their Myspace profile Boogie Space
And to end it in their words:

Ride on, Ride on, with my guitara... Salam Salam, Abu Mustafa ;)

Jerry Garcia

One of the most unique and wacky artists i've ever stumbled upon, Jerry Garcia is one of the greatest people that i've read about and heard about. His signature "middle finger-less" right hand even impressed me more, i've always had something for the hand impression on anything, (bodyglove is also a favourite), this man/artist was the lead guitarist and frontman of Grateful Dead, that was one of the most influential bands at that time and truly contributed to our current Rock/Metal music that we listen to these days. I sadly knew about the guy a couple of weeks ago, and in this time related so much to him, he's a painter, and a guitar player! Only thing i don't relate to is his heroin smoking hehe. It's a shame he passed away 12 years ago, this guy really gave alot to music and his art was also interesting and colors relate so much to me :D

Anyway here's a link to the artists page, enjoy :)

JerryGarcia

It was a Sunday, and one of my previous and most favourite professors had come to University for a visit. We shook hand and had a little simple hug since i respect him as an elder and one of the leading artists in Jordan, and despite the age difference, we are very good friends. He entered the Arts Faculty building, and as soon as he entered, a girls voice from behind me came up saying "POOR THING!!!" and another voice asked "Why, whats wrong?". The girl replied "He's dying!!"
.....
I froze, i did not know what to think or perceive.. I knew that my Professor has cancer, and that the battle with it is wearing him out, and I know that sooner or later we all die.. But that girls words.. "he's dying".. it seemed so cruel, so evil, so ignorant, yet it was all so true..

I started wondering, "why is he dying? why should he die?". I always gave the Professor what he wanted, helped him out in everything, and visit his house whenever i could, i even gave him cigarettes and then made him feel bad about it cuz i was the only one who gives him cigarettes and he shouldn't be smoking, so he'd light it without inhaling, then look at me with a little grin, and break the cigarette apart, also giving me some complementary cusses in Arabic.. I got amazing memories with him, like the times when we started talking "rural" (fala7i) Arabic, too slang and old, and his Italian wife would look at us as if we were crazy and talking gibberish and storm out of the room cussing at us both in Italian! We would laugh so hard that it would hurt sometimes..

I am one of the people that believe in death as a transitional phase, not necessarily something bad, but as human nature interferes with adding emotions of "grief", "sadness" and longing for who have passed away, we cannot do anything but sit and wonder about our own destinies, fates, futures and could only speculate, while we could be 100% wrong about everything. Heaven and Hell only exist because we were told they were, and actually its the most logical explanation, i mean i wouldn't like to be stuck with Attila the Hun in the same "apartment" in the after life, he'd rip me apart! I wanna die peacefully, and leave a good trace or print in this life, i realised that it could never be the end for me, even when i die, i still got the after life to wreak and havoc in hehe..

I spoke to her today, after a while of awkward and painful silence.. She seemed to be fine, seemed to be content and discretely glad to speak to me.. I really don't know where I'm going, earlier she asked me to fall out of love.. Impossible, isn't it? But she expects me to comply... I'm not saying that she's selfish and self-centered, but she's reached a point that she wants things to just disappear and is so very lost and confused. You can't really blame her, I mean, I just came out of nowhere, I got to know her well enough, couldn't keep my heart in its cold "senseless" cage, and fell in love with her.. I had to ruin it all by falling in love and admitting it to her.. I promised myself i would never do this to myself again, but guess what?! I rescrew myself over and over again... These past 4 months have been like hell, and they'r not getting any better at all..

More gloomy and depressing stories later..